To bow or not to bow…

When Barb asked me to write something for her First Lady Mysteries blog, I was very excited and a little nervous. As an Italian who has lived in New York for just two years, what knowledge do I really have about American First Ladies? I might not be a textbook historian, but I can give you a European’s perspective on how First Ladies are perceived ‘across the pond’ (as Churchill would say).


There is silent common set of rules that run through all of Europe called “protocol”. Any variation from these rules will stir a wave of common emotion, whether one is a monarchist, a republican, a leftist or a right wing supporter. In other words: Europeans love it when a First Lady is put to the test.

Take Mrs. Obama, for example. During her visit to London in April 2009, the First Lady put her hand behind the Queen’s lower back, posing for a photograph. England went mad. As the NY Magazine put it: “Nearly the entire nation simultaneously snarfed their English Breakfast.” By touching the Queen, Mrs. Obama had departed from that centenarian rule where no one touches the Queen unless she touches you first. But the world loved it: Google returns 909,000 hits when you look up the incident.

First ladies are not required to bow or curtsey, first, they are not monarchists; second, they are not the Queen’s subjects. But attention to detail shows respect for a country’s traditions. Can anyone blame Mrs. Reagan when she encouraged John Travolta to dance with Princess Diana at a gala evening in November 1985? For heart-broken Britons, those where the last days they would see the Princess smile with gusto. But Mrs. Reagan didn’t have much luck with the British press, which in 1981 criticized her extensively over her lavish parties in London leading up to the Royal wedding (of Prince Charles to Lady Diana). Thus, Nancy Reagan was portrayed at home as “Queen Nancy” which amused foreign tourists and Americans alike.

Carol Glatz of the Catholic News Service once wrote that “Clothes do indeed make the woman and the man, and they can also make or break a visit to the Vatican.” She was referring to the dress code, another silent but well known protocol that First Ladies are required to follow when meeting the Pope at a private audience. In the history of American First Ladies’ private audiences with the Pope, every First Lady has chosen to follow the silent protocol (wearing black) as a sign of respect towards the one thousand year-old tradition. The same is not true of some other First Ladies. The most famous fashion failure was Raisa Gorbachev’s who visited Pope John Paul II in December 1989 wearing a bright red dress. This was the first official visit of a Soviet head of State to the Vatican, so her choice of clothes could have been a political statement. Truth is, I was thirteenth at the time and I still remember the headlines in the papers.

But despite the entertainment that protocol provides through the media, the truth is that First Ladies are not just a social attraction. When Pope John Paul II met with Nancy Reagan for the first time, he congratulated her and thanked her for her work on drug abuse. When Michelle Obama was in London for the G20 summit in April 2009, she visited the Elizabeth Garrett Anderson Language School in Islington and said these words to the girls: “I was surrounded by extraordinary women in my life who taught me about quiet strength and dignity. You too can control your own destiny.”

Indeed, quiet strength and dignity is the First Ladies’ legacy. After all, didn’t Eleanor Roosevelt once say that behind every successful man, there is a very tired woman?